Whatever character you think you had, here is a reminder. When you sit down, and really think about it, its not just salt. Its a flavor, something we cannot live without. If we do not have it, we die. Literally. It no other words. So yes, I am one of those people. I thought I knew who I was, my personality, my character. I work hard, I seek out knowledge, I am the wealth of health. Lie.
The epitome of looking in the mirror is disturbing to say the least. We can never really view ourselves, its impossible, no matter how hard we try we can never view ourselves as other’s do. Why? or more than that, why not?
I sat down with three men, recently, who asked me questions for four hours. Who am i…where have i been and why.
Simple, right? Yes, in some ways, if you enjoy pontificating about your mid teens through “college” years, which for me was bouncing from school to school trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing.
So within this four hours, I felt as though I was being mulled over by a group of militia during a progressive wine tasting. Each question came at me like a bullet of inconsistency, yet I knew each answer…thoroughly. My downfall was the memories the questions invoked. The teenage years, yearning for a structured future. Little did I know there would be nothing of the sort. That’s another post all together. This exercise in self reflection, most likely was a costly event for those sitting across from me.
The click of my heels, and the annoying drag across the tile floor when my heel slips beneath my foot. I walk in and sign in with the receptionist. I sit. The conference room behind me is full of laughter, they are loud…or maybe I had hyperacusis suddenly. Regardless, the words, “she is very personable, she seems to be very knowledgeable..” radiated through the lobby area where I was sitting. I felt a hot flash move through my chest, i buttoned my blouse to the top to prevent the redness from showing, embarrassed that others could hear what was being said. The conversation got louder, the laughing and carrying on felt like it went on for hours, yet it was only minutes. I dreaded what was or could be the next 2-3 hours of conversation…. about me.
Out walked the HR guy….the story from here gets boring and will mute the point of my post.
I didn’t know who i was until someone asked me. Reminder.