R.J.M. 06.29.45 – 01.31.19
I am a person of little faith, I tend to delve in the art of the dark, I’ve pondered death since I was a child, fearful of what is the unknown, perhaps that’s why I believe in the ways of science, lovingly taunting us to give up our faith in a higher being, yet when my father passed away all I could think of was how happy he was to be with those who passed before him, with his God; surfing, painting, young and handsome. As I grieve the person we love so much, the good, the bad, the artist, the loving father, the friend, the uncle, the popo, the human being….I’m moved to believe in the laws of physics, perhaps it’s to get through the pain and the thought of my own mortality…. I know that my father, not only a human with thoughts and feelings, joy and sadness, he was also just a ball of energy… and if that’s true, I understand that his energy has not died. The first law of thermodynamics says; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. All of my father’s energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was my beloved dad remains with me in this world. The color of my daughter’s eyes, the curly warmth of my others hair, the clef in my chin, my aunt’s vivaciousness and beautiful art, my brother’s handsome looks, my other holding his name, my sisters smile and the nose we both share. And amid energies of the cosmos, he, as all of us, gave as good as he got. All the photons that ever bounced off his face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by his smile, by the touch of his hand, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by HIM, my dad. And as our loving family and friends grieve, all the photons that bounced from him onto us, were gathered in the particle detectors that are all of those interactions; that those photons created of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever….and ever.
The warmth that flowed through my father in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives, our hugs, and kisses of grief are turned to joy in being together because of him.
Those of us who loved him, need not have to have faith; indeed, faith is not relevant, if that’s what you choose. Scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. I hope that you find comfort and satisfaction to know that my dad’s energy is still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of him is gone; he’s just a little less orderly; just as he would have like it.